Tuesday, December 15, 2009

The Devil

(The below piece was inspired by the book "Of Human Bondage" - i know somerset Maughm wouldn't approve !)

I can’t believe I have taken this path again. How long has it been since I last travelled this way? Not very long. How many times has the devil made its appearance? Almost every single time. Then why do I take it ? That’s it this is the last time. Nothing in the world can make me do this again. I have had my share of disappointments, learnt my lessons; there is no way I am going to take this bait again. O wait ! no this cant be ! Am I beginning to feel THE THIRST again ? how can this happen? Am I so helpless that I can’t even choose the direction of my step?

This thirst, it sabotages my mind. All of a sudden, it looks as if the mind is programmed to only find ways to quench this thirst, everything else seems insignificant. I know I would meet the devil if I take that path, but still I had to quench my thirst. I feel meek; The demons are fighting in the head. Thirst VS Pain. Time always sides with thirst, it weakens the power of pain, and eventually thirst wins and I take that path again.

This devil, it never leaves me, it doesn’t matter, whatever precaution I take, it makes its appearance. Is there no way of getting rid of its presence on the route. Am I supposed to always have a rendezvous with the devil? What makes the devil show itself up, all of a sudden? Did I summon it? I don’t I know, I am not sure. But if there is one thing I am sure of it is - The pain eases, thirst returns, I will tread the same way and meet the devil. Its all written as in a movie only thing that differs is the form it takes.

Times when thirst returns before the pain completely eases are the worst. I start searching for it so I am doomed right from the first step. When there is only thirst, I at least get to enjoy the country side until I meet the devil. The habit of walking sometimes makes me go ahead on the path even after the encounter, but then once you encounter the devil, life is sucked out and its plain torture. There are times when I meet a devil in the form of an angle, but then this is the worst form of devil, for it makes me take the path more often.

You can never be sure how the demon got summoned or at what point it made its appearance. The events preceding are almost always pleasant and rarely give an indication of whats about to come. Actually, I am mentally very exhausted. I can hardly recall the flow of events and cant even vaguely remember the cause. Though I don’t like to believe, I know the devil wouldn’t come without me summoning it. Times when I faintly recall the reason I summoned it, I feel like a moron, how could I have summoned the devil for such a daft reason. Sometimes I realize my mistake immediately after summoning the devil, I feel like pleading it to go away, I should have pleaded it go away, but then, the egoist that I am, I can never bow my head, I am only habituated to banging it once the devil leaves. Am I afraid that I would loose my ‘supposedly superior position’, which is again just a figment of my imagination and totally meaningless in the larger context.

Can I ever break free of this web or should I just resign to myself thinking that this is how it is supposed to be ?

Friday, September 25, 2009

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Other Side

All my life i yearned to see the other side,
The side which hasn’t been showed to me,
I yearned to experience it,
Dreamt of living it,
Not always because it was being superior,
But because it offered me hope,
Hope that all is well on the other side,
Hope that there is life on the other side.

The Few times i have managed to squeeze experiences out of the other side,
I have been disappointed to the core.
Am I always blinded by my eagerness to escape?
Escape this side, that I never saw the obvious,
That Life is not a cube, but a sphere with only one side.