Habit

"Wait for ten minutes". The moment i heard this from the lady at the reception, i ran towards a round table with the only vacant chair available in the whole bank premises. Me running away from the receptionist at such pace is not a true indication of the beauty of the lady at the desk nor is an indication of lack of stamina in me to stand for the prescribed amount of time, though the later is debatable. The only reason why i made a dash towards the table, is i want to get hold of the crumpled newspaper lying unattended on the table. Its the same newspaper that was delivered to my room that morning, its the same newspaper on which i already spent two hours in the morning and decided that there is nothing worthy to read, its the same newspaper which gives me daily dose of health tonic in the form of sports news and celebrity gossip. yet i made a 'head turning' run to the table to get hold of the newspaper, so that i can escape rather shy away from the excruciating process of thinking. I almost feel like saying - Thinking is such a pain. If you wont believe, look at the details.
i always start off thinking about the so called "useful" stuff like academics (or job related); after all i am a guy who gets his priorities right. but i am also a guy with limited interest in academics, so my thoughts about them wont carry on for more than a couple of minutes. If i am honest with my self, i would attribute this inability to think about things i do/ need for living to the lack of depth in knowledge. I then try to think about relations and people. all the people i deal with are pretty straight forward people and cause little trouble to me, to really make me think for reasonable amount of time, which again results in my thoughts reaching a dead end with in a span of five minutes. Since i am left with no choice i start thinking about myself, The same self which i have been living with for the past 22 years, yet which is as alien as any other self. I am not one of those persons with an eligibility for St. at the beginning of the name and hence these thoughts inevitably leave a bad taste in mouth as i typically end up making self disparaging remarks about my self . If not i think about things that have been done and are done wrong or things that haven't been done but should have been done, which is not such a pleasant exercise. I some times even enter the forbidden lands of "what should i do in life" which never fails in giving me a bout of depression. This is precisely the reason why i desperately want to read that piece of crumpled newspaper; so that i can shut my mind before it turns idle and inturn into a devils laboratory, generating all kinds of depressive hormones. I strongly feel that pharma companies can boost the sale of their anti depressants by just making people sit idle for fifteen minutes.